Elspeth Demina

Just another sexy weblog

Hope you like bullet points! August 23, 2012

Filed under: my life — Lorax Of Sex @ 12:12 pm

Guess what guys, it’s time for a bullet point post because I’m BUSY BUSY BUSY with awesome new things!

  • I’m moving to my own domain, with a full site revamp! Huge thanks to Epiphora for helping me get WordPress installed over at my new home, and helping me find hosting that will let me have adult content! She’s awesome!
  • I’m finally getting my hands on an Intensity (again, thanks to ‘piph). There will be a review. I’m either going to love the fuck out of this, or really be disappointed. Stay tuned to find out!
  • I think I’m getting over my fear of posting a review of the Pure Wand. Direct g-spot just isn’t my thing, guys, and I’ve been afraid of the entire sexblogging community coming at me with torches and pitchforks if I speak ill of this toy.
  • I’m hosting the wonderful Sexsmith Sinclair for a Cock Confidence workshop at work, AND I’ve been asked to set up more workshops going forward. Now I just have to figure out who and what!
  • I’m apartment hunting again.
  • July and August have been the months of hell, with one family health emergency after another. It’s kept me a little busy.

So there’s lot’s going on right now. I’ve got a number of reviews and articles in the works, and I’m trying to slam out this new site. In the meantime, I’m excited to say that I now own one of the much anticipated batcocks! If you follow on twitter or facebook, you’ll know I was debating between two. I made my choice, and it was “frenulum bat party” for the win! Expect a full-glory photoshoot and review in the near future.

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My Art, Let Me Show You It April 15, 2012

Filed under: art,my life,seaf — Lorax Of Sex @ 4:10 pm

About a month or so ago was the deadline for art submissions to SEAF. This year I decided (at the last minute, like ya do) to try my hand at submitting some of my art to the show. The jury received some 2000 submissions from around 500 artists. Man am I glad I didn’t have their jobs trying to pick the art for the show this year! I didn’t get selected, but that’s ok. Once I submitted my art I realised that I wasn’t so sure I wanted to sell it anyhow. Art has always been a cathartic thing for me, and my pieces end up deeply personal and emotion laden as a result. I’d held off sharing what I’d done until after the jurying, but now that it’s over I feel comfortable sharing.

I don’t generally title my pieces, so excuse me if I don’t give you names for these. While I submitted them with names, I far prefer them without. The first piece I submitted came of my and my Brother’s work as a Bootblack. It’s become a huge part of my identity within the Leather community, and has provided me a safe and healthy outlet for my service-mindedness. Pencil on journal-paper.

 

The second piece comes from a much more personal place, and is the one I had the most reservation on submitting (and sharing here). Drawn from a combination of my emotions surrounding the Daddy/girl dynamic which I have been a part of over this past year or so, it sets a big part of me open to the world. I have a deep response every time I look at this piece, both physical and emotional. Pencil on onionskin paper.

This last piece is one I didn’t submit. I thought about it, but chose not to. I made it for someone specific, and decided (against their encouragement even) to keep it that way. I considered having giclée prints made of it for the show, and also of another piece I’d made for the same individual, but in the end I didn’t go through with it. I’ll share it here though, because I really like it, and I’m in a sharing kind of mood.

 

Adventures In… Fantasies, Kink, and Bucket Lists March 14, 2012

Last February I posted about being asked what my sexual fantasies were, and my issues expressing or understanding them (such as they were). At the time I was struggling with how small and vulnerable I felt being asked to tell my Daddy about my fantasies were, what thoughts came up upon seeing him, and what things got me off at home when we were apart. I was very shy and the shyness about these questions made me feel very Little indeed. I came to the conclusion that I don’t fantasise like others, and rather fixate on things from past experiences, and that fills my fantasy gap. I was content with answer at the time, it seemed.

We’re a few weeks past a year later, and here I am to think on it some more. I’ve actually been thinking on this quite a bit of the last few months, through my time laid up from surgery and illness (those really are some good times to just sit back and think about yourself and your goals and feelings, I find). Later in the same year Lee Harrington’s delightful journal on Sexual Fantasy was published and helped me further into insight of how to create these solid communicable ideas which I can open up to others, and where my fears lie, to accept those, and put them in the open as well. There are certainly worries and fears, moreso perhaps for those of us who do feel Little and as such want to blush, hide, runaway, brat, or lose our words.

Opening up to fantasies also opens us up not just in these vulnerable  ways but also to the risky delicate dance of facilitation and negotiations for some things. As Lee says so nicely in his journal:

Things I often get shy saying, because of fear of rejection, or fear that they will be promised to me but not happen (that has happened a LARGE number of times in my life, and it sucks).  I tend not to tell folks what I really am looking for, because if I get excited about the possibility, I feel let down if it does not happen.  I worry that when I discuss my actual body realities, my health concerns, my safer sex rules, etc, that I may get turned down even after folks get all excited (which has happened many times to be honest).  I have moved for the most part to instead speaking desires out loud, and if they happen, cool.This too, is not the best system.  But its what I can do right now emotionally.  Some days I go proactive.I have major challenges with the shopping-list approach to sexual and kink negotiation.  Sign up here for a gangbang.  Um… gr… just can’t wrap my head around it.

Which brings me to me, and some of my fantasies. Sexual fantasies sounds rather limiting to my mind, so I’m going to call them kinky fantasies. Anyhow, in no particular order:

  • A boot and leather centric scene, blacking a series of leathers through predicament situations and sensation, but also being permitted time to truly just dedicate my entire body to blacking. (requires an existant partner)
  • Sensory depravation. My mind wanders to heavy leather sleepsacks, or palatte wrap, or somesuch similar. A hood. A blindfold. Headphones with pre-programmed music in. Suspended in the air, and just let to feel, to think, to process, and to be. (This would be a deeply personal and carthartic scene, and requires someone willing to help with anything that would need addressing in the intermediate. Pre-planning to have a therapy appointment follow the day before is a must.)
  • To be collared in a more serious collar than a play collar. A collar of daddy’s-girl-hood, protection, perhaps even property. (would depend on many factors for property, that’s a rather charged word to me)
  • Fun and floppily dynamic partial suspensions. Lots of laughter. Lots of lightheartedness. Lots of hitty-hitty.
  • Being bound, somewhere dark for a long time, enough to lose track of time. Occasionally to be used or beaten. (Would need to be someone who is ok with my flipping out/getting emotional)
  • Being drugged and fucked/played with while unconscious.
  • Heavy boot play, my body grinding into the ground beneath you under your soles, your bootprint on the side of my face, treadmarks on my cunt.
  • Combined intense candle wax, rope, and spanking/flogging scene. (relies heavily on the D/s dynamic for this to not just be a very surface scene)
  • Nazi interrogation/rape scene.
  • Having my body pissed on, then my cunt pissed in and fucked full of piss. (obviously someone I’m fluid bonded with)
  • A day of learning whatever lesson Daddy deems I need in order to be able to grow. (potential for fun, or for awful)
  • Going to the movies, or a day at the Aquarium, or to the arcade, with some sort of naughty thing going on under my clothes. With a companion, not just alone. I’ve done this with rope before, so I’d like to add more next time.
  • Electrical play. Let’s not forget the electro-bike saga. I really want to explore this more. I have ideas, and a scary-as-fuck gift to be given once I work up the nerve to do so.
  • To play right on the edge of true fear. Again, like the deeply cathartic scene, this is risky business. I still really want to do it though.

Now, I still have my old style fantasies, where I think intensely hard on one aspect of something I like or have done. Things like the ingenius little leather cuff Daddy owns and which I wore on one of our formative dates. The first time he spanked me, where, when, how, how I felt… and the first time he beat me with his belt, where, when, how, how it felt, how it compares, what I have learned… I dream about mornings waking to Daddy rousing me from my cage for an early morning fuck before we both head off to work. I dream a lot how Daddy takes my breath away, and how happy it makes me feel.

So, I think about fantasies, but I’m shy and unusually awkward compared to how I seem. I am a little girl at heart, and I carry my Daddy’s watchful eye and protective heart with me wherever I go. I’m an autonomous individual, free to do as I please, but knowing I’ve got him in my corner looking out for me is giving me a bit more confidence. Not much though. I’ll likely continue to limit who I will play list rather strictly for the time being. Who knows, maybe that’ll change too!

 

Slow start to the new year January 12, 2012

Filed under: good vibes,my life,she vibe,tantus,toys — Lorax Of Sex @ 2:47 pm

So yes, I’ve been a bit absent again here on the blog (though not on twitter, which is a great way of keeping up with me when I’ve not got it in me to write proper posts). What’s up? Life, oral surgery, pulmonary edema, y’know. All those boring things that get in the way and just suck the writing impetus out of me.

BUT- I’m back now. I’m all healed, I’m off the painkillers, and oh goodness do I have some challenges ahead of me. I’ll let this photo do most of the talking…

Let’s just take a moment to absorb that photo shall we? Do you see the size of that monster plug? Or how about the two giant cocks, not to mention the Cush! Plus the potentially not-so-subtle change in the Ryder, and my beloved silver sparkly “transporter dick” which I was so glad to be able to track down again. Also to come are reviews of two different packers, packing undies, and harnesses!

Looking at the specs for these toys reminds me that for some reason, everyone seems to think I’m a size queen. Either that, or they’ve heard tell of Little Brother’s ass-TARDIS, because I keep getting me some right beefy toys. It’s ok, I’ll take the challenge. I need to test out some new lubes anyhow. Of course, anything of sizeable nature is a given for Little Brother & his Papa to co-review for me too. Everyone’s loved their recent review of the Tantus Cush, so stay tuned for more of those. I have a feeling they’ll have a better shot of managing that 2.5″ diameter plug than I do, but ya never know. At least trying fisiting of some sort is on my bucket list after all. It’s low on the list, but its there.

So, dear readers, this is my promise to you for the new year: I promise to make it through ALL of these toys in a timely manner. I’m hoping for two a month. I’ve also got some special goodies I can’t photograph for ya’ll yet, which are kinda exciting and weird. 2012 isn’t gonna know what hit it (and neither, I fear, will my cervix). Let’s do this!

 

Adventures in Nudity: A Straight Razor Saga August 9, 2011

Filed under: adventures in...,events,my life,observations — Lorax Of Sex @ 3:38 pm

It seems that breaking through limits is something that happens rather publicly for me, or at least that’s the trend so far. Earlier this year there was my experiences at SEAF with the Electro-Bike, and then my weekend in Portland for Sunday School with PDX Bad Girls. Not sure what this means about me…

Sunday School was a special three-part workshop being put on by the PDX Bad Girls, a women’s kink social group, as an annual part of Oregon Leather Pride. This year the event featured Dr. Evil Boi teaching two workshops: one on mindfucks and one on blood and ritual, with Twisted Monk teaching a workshop on straight razor shaving in-between. While these subjects (well, the mindfucks and the razors at least) are generally of interest to me to begin with, this wasn’t just another workshop for me. Oh no. You see, I was to be a part of the workshop. Being friends with interesting people has its perks, and one of those is that sometimes opportunities such as being a demo-body for a straight razor workshop arise. So it was that I found myself naked from the waist down, feet in stirrups, a big examination light spotlighting my cunt, in a room full of (mostly) strangers.

This may seem like no big thing to some. People get naked at kink events and play parties all the time, so what’s the big deal? Well yes, people do do that, but I don’t. I have spent much of the past decade appearing to the rest of the world more than a little conservative. Floor-length skirts, long sleeves, even covering my hair, were a normal mode of appearance for me. While not quite that severe these days, I am still generally much more modestly dressed than most. On the rare occasion that I engage in any sort of public play I still don’t strip down to my birthday suit, opting instead for underoos and a tank. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll go topless if I’m feeling particularly daring that day. I’m certainly never caught with my junk out in the open in public though. I tend to refer to public full or lower nudity as a soft limit for me. It’s a difficult thing to explain why that is — it’s not based on fear or repulsion, as many limits are. A lot of it is trust, and some of it is modesty, and the rest just is. Pair this with the truth that I am a bit of an exhibitionist, and things get interesting.

I was fully aware of what I was getting into when it was settled that I would be offering up my body and my hair for public removal. I’ve been straight razor shaved before, so that part wasn’t new. I’m comfortable with it, as much as anyone ever is comfortable with someone using a frighteningly sharp blade around the most sensitive parts of their body. I knew that Little Brother and his Daddy would be there too, which was both reassuring and not (Brother simply loves goading me into trouble). I trust Monk unquestionably. The variable here was simply being naked, in public, with strangers.

What was interesting to me, was how much more arousing the shave in this situation ended up being. I found myself getting excited and damp even before I was down to my underoos (which, incidentally, being my new Batman y-fronts, prompted the entire room bursting out in the Batman theme song upon sight). Even shaving my legs and underarms had a profound effect on me, enough that by the time I had to slip off my underoos my body was pretty wired, my endorphins up, and my mind definitely somewhere rather good. Kudos to Monk for being able to safely navigate my nethers despite the added slipperyness. I’m sure getting a good grip on my flesh to safely shave it was a bit tricky. I can’t say for sure as I couldn’t see what was going on down there, but it certainly felt like I was getting far wetter than I’ve been in a long time. I might even hazard to use the phrase “dripping wet”.

It’s funny how something like this can create such a response in my body and mind. Afterwards I was far more altered than I have been even from my intensest scenes. I’m not sure I’m ready to start being fully nude or nude on the lower half in public on any sort of regular basis now, but I’ve found the power in choosing to offer this option as a rare treat. I have to say thank you to everyone who was there too. To Little Brother for lending a boot of reassurance while my legs were being shaved at the beginning of the workshop, and for not inciting too much trouble. To my Family as a whole for being supportive, present, and helpful. To Monk for keeping me in one piece, working through my laughter when the razor tickled, and for providing me this amazing opportunity and experience. And to everyone in attendance, for having a sense of humor, for being so kind, for being an amazing audience, and for making me feel comfortable despite my vulnerability.

 

I Volunteered With The Seattle Erotic Arts Festival (and all I got was one less hard limit) June 2, 2011

Filed under: events,kink,my life,seaf — Lorax Of Sex @ 12:45 pm

No, the illness which was afflicting me earlier this month didn’t eat me alive- SEAF did. What’s SEAF? That would be the Seattle Erotic Arts Festival. It’s an annual event, going on ten years next year, which showcases erotic art in various forms. Last year a few folk I knew, and a number of folk I didn’t know but wanted to, were working with SEAF and so I figured why the hell not and signed up to volunteer. I had such a blast helping out unpack and hang art that I decided to help out again this year.

Oh boy did I help out. Unlike last year where I drove 30 minutes into the city after I got out of some classes I was taking, helped out for a few hours, then did it all again the next day, this year I decided to dedicate myself fully to SEAF for the whole pre-show insanity and the full weekend of the event. Yeah, I’m crazy. I took the week off work, and spent my time checking in artwork being dropped off for the exhibition, wrangling spreadsheets, and waking up far FAR earlier than I think anyone should. As luck would have it, not only did I get to do art-handling and installing (and somehow becoming the queen of all knowledge related to the spreadsheets), I got asked to assistant stage-manage the mainstage production. I have a delightful history of getting added to the production team for shows the day before opening night so I put on my headset, hopped onto the com, and away we went! Being backstage and in my element again awoke some parts of me which have too long been dormant, and it felt absolutely amazing.

My techie self wasn’t the only thing that SEAF awoke, and while I’d love to wank on about what a wonderful time I had ASMing and all that rot, you’re probably wondering what the “and all I got was one less hard limit” is all about. That’s fair, it’s really my favourite part of my SEAF experience this year.

photo courtesy of adameros photography

My favourite piece in the entire show was a delightfully interactive installation work by Dana Ollestad called the Electro-Bike. The catalog description of the Electro-Bike says you can “Control your own experience with this everyday object newly subverted into an electrical device that rides the thrilling line between pleasure and pain.” I’d say that’s a spot-on explanation of what the bike was all about. I’ll admit- the entire first day of SEAF I walked past the bike over and over never even looking at it twice. “Eh, it’s a bike” I thought. I didn’t feel a draw to look at it further really. Afterall, what was so exciting or erotic about a bike on a static-training stand? What I’d failed to notice initially was the little generator tucked into the frame. It wasn’t until a couple of folk were geeking over the construction and wiring of the bike that I got interested.

Shortly thereafter I got a chance to climb onto the bike. It was then that I learned that it wasn’t what I (and many patrons I soon learned) had thought it was. Everyone assumed that the saddle would vibrate or electrify. Oh no. The saddle was just a normal bike saddle. What wasn’t so normal were the handles- they were exposed metal wired to that tiny little generator under the frame. Just the tiniest movement of the pedals and BZZZZT! the electrical tingle shot up my arms. I jumped off the bike, displeased at how it felt, and went back about my SEAFly duties. It wasn’t long before I was back on the bike again. And again. And again. And “Are you on the bike again? Really? You’re such a pig!” comments began to come from friends and staff. Yup, I loved that bike. Anyone who was there Saturday afternoon and evening heard my love of the bike resonating down the corridors of the festival too.

Not only did I love the bike, not only was I back on it every time my muscles stopped tingling from the previous ride, but before the bike electrical play was firmly on my hard limit list. I’ve licked my fair share of 9v batteries backstage to discern the live from the dead ones to put into mic-packs. I’ve been electrocuted (mildly) twice. I am freaked out by the high-frequency machine we use in spas to zap zit-forming bacteria (it feels like a needle poke!). The bike changed my mind about electricity, and now I can’t WAIT to get to play more with it. What did it feel like to face a hard limit, and crash through it like the Kool-Aid man? “Oh Yeah!” is about right if you ask me, but I’ll let you see for yourself… (and if you need more, I’ve got a second video up too)

 

Sometimes I need a good release May 5, 2011

Filed under: humor,kink,my life,watersports — Lorax Of Sex @ 3:15 pm

Sometimes life gets the better of all of us, and we just need a release. Right now life has decided to throw itself into a blender and hit “liquify”. Hoo-boy. I feel bad about not having the post I wanted to have for today, but I’m feeling rather honest and open right now so you’re getting this post instead. You see, I’d had this really awesome idea for a Cinco de Mayo post. It was going to be amazing. I was going to have insightful thoughts about the oft joked about and little discussed kink of watersports. I was going to talk about my personal internal conflicts about pee. I was going to share some SERIOUS secrets that I’ve never told anyone. There were going to be pop-music references. It was going to be awesome. Sadly- it hasn’t happened.

I fancy myself a bit of an intellectual and a scholar, and as such I hate the idea of talking on a topic such as this without having some good resources backing me up. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find scholarly sources for information on playing with pee? There’s erotica and porn a-plenty, but actual factual talk about it, especially accounts of what it means to those who like it? Yeah not so much. There are a few health-related things floating around out there, but that’s really about it. So this post will still happen, it’s just gonna be a while in coming. Instead today you’re getting this straight-from-my-fingertips post which isn’t even being run past my editors first! Oooh edge-blogging!

Why tell you all this? And what does pee have to do with Cinco de Mayo? Well… Little Brother and I kinda have a joke going as a result of Twisted Monk’s “Mexican Beer Story”. The video is safe, there’s no nudity or anything. Heck I don’t think there’s even much if any profanity in it! If you’re looking for pointers on how to accomplish the actual enough-pee-for-a-scene situation, or you just want a good laugh, watch the video. Needless to say, I know better than to invite that man over for a beer. As for why I’m telling you this? Partly to say “Hey intertubewebz! I’m looking for thoughts, meanings, information about why you do/don’t do/love/don’t love pee play!”, and partly because I really just wanted to share the links which are keeping me sane right now, and giving me a bit of a release. I know that I’ll be humming this song from Sia all day…