Elspeth Demina

Just another sexy weblog

Review: Captain (including commentary from Little Brother’s Papa) March 22, 2012

Filed under: good vibes,guest reviewer: little brother & his Papa,reviews,toys — Lorax Of Sex @ 1:27 pm

Oh captain… my captain… (yes, this reference will get used more than once in this review, so let’s just come to terms with that right now shall we?). Good Vibrations’ Captain has been hanging around my apartment for some time. I’ve used it as a model for some interesting projects, taken it along as a teaching tool, and sent it home with my Brother. I’ll be honest- I’m more than a bit intimidated by the Captain. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’m not a size queen. I don’t immediately go for the largest thing I can stuff up my cunt, and I definitely do not aim high when it comes to trying to fit things in my ass. So when I got the Captain in the mail, boy was I worried when upon taking it out of the box I couldn’t wrap my fingers around the widest point on here. No really, and I have long fingers too.

Once I got over my shock on the size of the Captain (yes, I’d read the specs on it, but that didn’t mean it really computed in my head until I had it cock-in-hand), I was really astounded by what I saw. The Captain has probably one of the best sculpt jobs I’ve seen on a realistic cock EVER. I really do wonder if this was a life-cast rather than a free sculpt. It’s just so well done. Firstoff- the Captain is asymmetrical. If you were to bisect it right down the length, you would end up with two rather different halves. There’s a pronounced bulge to one side. The veins aren’t mirrored on both sides. The frenulum isn’t straight. The corona isn’t perfectly even. These aren’t casting defects, this is how the Captain was made, and I love it. If more cocks were made like this, I’d probably like realistic toys a hell of a lot better than I do.

The Captain is of GoodVibes’ own manufacture. I’m not sure who is doing the fabrication on these, but I’m sure curious. The texture is wonderful for a single-density silicone. Firm but not rock hard, with a soft velvety texture. The only part that is glossy silicone is the flat end on the base. This is probably the least linty silicone toy I’ve come across to-date, and I’ve really put this one through the wringer when it comes to lint collection (a story for another day, but trust me it’ll get told). I feel like if there were any improvements to be made on the texture here, it’s that I want to see what this would be like in dual-density. Oh gd, just thinking about that makes me wonder if we’re on the verge of the awesomest realistic cocks out there. We just might be. Well, except for one thing…

The size. Yes- I’ve tried the Captain (I think I’d risk being keelhauled if I didn’t). No, it didn’t go very well. At 7 1/2″ long and 1 7/8″ wide, the Captain is really asking a lot of me. I can’t say for sure, since I’ve never actually measured any of the real-life cocks I’ve enjoyed, but this certainly FEELS like way too much of a challenge. My vagina is not a happy camper with this much girth at all with this firm of a material. That’s part of why I want to see this in dual-density, that outer squishy layer does amazing things for being able to stuff large things up inside me. For those who love a big cock, or are fans of toys that give a serious sense of fullness? Definitely check it out.

What did the boys have to say? Well…

Captain, my captain! You would think the boy would start getting nervous whenever we get the call that his Big Sister has ANOTHER huge toy for us to review. Good Vibes’Captain was no exception. This was one of the first giant toys passed our way and you should have seen the way his eyes watered! You might begin to think it hurt him, but if you really know the boy you know that joy is usually what makes him cry. Though some of those tears were from pain, that’s because we like things rough. This toy performed well on all fronts: harness, underwear, between my legs, in my hands, and when left alone with the boy. His only real complaint was the rigidity of this form of silicone. Though it is softer than the Tantus Goliath he bought several years ago (one of the largest silicone life-like dildos on the market in it’s time). Captain is slightly larger: 1/8 inches of girth and 1/4 inch in length, but it’s suppleness made it easier to accommodate and that length really makes the difference when thrusting. I complain often that I lose length when using a harness (and could still really use this girthy of toy with a bit more length) but they are getting closer. The realness of the shape of this cock is remarkable and if large, life-like, veiny, cocks are your thing the Captain can take you to shore.

Huge thanks to Good Vibes for making the Captain, and for letting us come aboard. After time with the Captain, I might just have to give the First Mate a go as well, lest I get forced to walk the plank.


Slow start to the new year January 12, 2012

Filed under: good vibes,my life,she vibe,tantus,toys — Lorax Of Sex @ 2:47 pm

So yes, I’ve been a bit absent again here on the blog (though not on twitter, which is a great way of keeping up with me when I’ve not got it in me to write proper posts). What’s up? Life, oral surgery, pulmonary edema, y’know. All those boring things that get in the way and just suck the writing impetus out of me.

BUT- I’m back now. I’m all healed, I’m off the painkillers, and oh goodness do I have some challenges ahead of me. I’ll let this photo do most of the talking…

Let’s just take a moment to absorb that photo shall we? Do you see the size of that monster plug? Or how about the two giant cocks, not to mention the Cush! Plus the potentially not-so-subtle change in the Ryder, and my beloved silver sparkly “transporter dick” which I was so glad to be able to track down again. Also to come are reviews of two different packers, packing undies, and harnesses!

Looking at the specs for these toys reminds me that for some reason, everyone seems to think I’m a size queen. Either that, or they’ve heard tell of Little Brother’s ass-TARDIS, because I keep getting me some right beefy toys. It’s ok, I’ll take the challenge. I need to test out some new lubes anyhow. Of course, anything of sizeable nature is a given for Little Brother & his Papa to co-review for me too. Everyone’s loved their recent review of the Tantus Cush, so stay tuned for more of those. I have a feeling they’ll have a better shot of managing that 2.5″ diameter plug than I do, but ya never know. At least trying fisiting of some sort is on my bucket list after all. It’s low on the list, but its there.

So, dear readers, this is my promise to you for the new year: I promise to make it through ALL of these toys in a timely manner. I’m hoping for two a month. I’ve also got some special goodies I can’t photograph for ya’ll yet, which are kinda exciting and weird. 2012 isn’t gonna know what hit it (and neither, I fear, will my cervix). Let’s do this!


Review: Tantus Little Secret- Tease (aka the Lime Teaser) June 29, 2011

Filed under: good vibes,reviews,tantus,toys — Lorax Of Sex @ 10:18 am

I was more than a little sad when I missed the initial call for reviews of the new Tantus Little Secret mini-vibrators. They were cute. They were bright pearlescent colours. They were bullet vibes, something I had a distinct lack of in my toybox. So you can only imagine I’m sure the amount of happy squealing when Good Vibrations put the Little Secret- Tease (aka the Lime Teaser) up for review.

This is one of five new toys from the silicone toy geniuses at Tantus. Despite being aimed at the shyer and first timer spectrum of toy buyers, they still have some definite appeal to toy veterans as well. They consist of a version of the Ro-80mm bullet vibe and a 100% silicone sheath. In the case of the Lime Teaser, it’s shaped almost like a chandelier bulb, with a gently undulating body and a tapered tip. The whole shape is reminiscent of a flame, to me, aside from the fact that it is also a pearly neon green. Those of us who were young (or young at heart) in the 80’s may remember the ecto craze which followed the Ghostbusters, this is totally Ecto-Cooler green. Photos simply don’t do the color justice. It’s made of the glossier of Tantus’ silicones, which means it is incredibly prone to attracting dust, lint, cat hair, and all manner of airborne debris. If you use a lot of silicone toys you’re likely already familiar with this frustration, but if not it’s something worth being aware of. I tend to keep my silicone toys in an inner section of my toybox, or in a plastic zippy bag. Even so, I often have to take a quick toy wipe to them before using them. The vibe itself is a simple one-speed vibe, though more powerful than most generic silver bullets it’s still on the gentle buzz size of things. The removability makes cleaning the toy easy as pie- once you get the bullet out. Even once I managed to pry it out and dripped a bit of lube onto the bullet before re-inserting it into the toy, removing the electrical portion of the Lime Teaser is tricky business. Attempted removal hasn’t yet damaged me or the silicone, but I have lost the purple nubby cover from the bullet button (which I’m assuming renders the bullet no longer water resistant).

The toy definitely lives up to it’s name. The vibration causes the tip of the silicone sheath to flutter similar to the “ears” on some rabbit vibes. Because of this it’s not really a toy for insertion, but it makes a great clit teaser. It wasn’t enough to get me off, but it was certainly enough to make me hungry for something more. A great warm-up or foreplay toy either solo or with a partner. Due to the shape, this is pretty much a clit centric toy. Choke down too far in an attempt to use the body of the toy for more solid stimulation and the little fluttering tip just aggravates the entrance to my vagina. Flipping it over so the tip pointed up was a bit better, but still tickled my labia in an awkward and distracting way. Insertion is rather uncomfortable with the little tip feeling rather poke-y. I also found that the tip was a bit too tickle-y to tease my ass, though I suspect that will vary considerably person to person. In the tub, as this is a water resistant toy, I found bathwater gave too much resistance against the movement of the tip to give me the stimulation I wanted. In the shower it was lovely though, and I do always enjoy the combination of sex with water.

I liked this little toy enough to snag another of the Little Secrets to try out, the Touch (or the Blueberry Bliss as Goodvibes is calling it). Stay tuned for a review of my next Little Secret soon. As always, big thanks to Good Vibrations for graciously providing fun toys for me to play with and share with you. The full Little Secret line, is available from Goodvibes, along with a variety of other lovely mini-vibes. Check ’em out!


Review: Fun Factory Smartballs Teneo Uno (Part 1) June 14, 2011

Filed under: good vibes,reviews,toys — Lorax Of Sex @ 10:52 am

When the Teneo Smartballs showed up as an offering from Good Vibrations for review, I was super excited. I have had a long and loving history with Fun Factory toys, and had always wanted to try their Smartballs kegel exercisers but had been hesitant to drop my dollars on them. What can I say, I’m poor so I’m rather fussy with my purchases. I gleefully sent off my email requesting the toy, and shortly thereafter had a delightful little parcel on my doorstep. I’d like to say that the fun had just begun, but unfortunately that turned out to not be the case.

First, a brief explanation of what the Smartballs are. Basically, these are objects you insert into your vaginal canal to assist in strengthening the muscles of the pelvic floor (via what are known as kegel exercises or kegels). They are designed to be worn for extended periods of time, or to be interacted with via the pull-cord to create resistance. The Smartballs Teneo come in two models- the uno or single ball version, and the duo which has two balls connected by a silicone band in between.

These are an updated version of Fun Factory’s old Smartballs kegel exercisers. The main differences between these and the originals are the silicone band which runs around the equator of the toys, the textural aspects of the silicone banding, a divot in the back of the toy to “ease insertion” and the retrieval cord is now silicone rather than nylon. Some of these changes are useful and good, such as the changing of the cord to being a silicone strap. This means the whole toy is disinfect-able now when before it wasn’t. Funny thing is, looking at the old version vs. the new version? I wish they’d kept the older design and just siliconized it (is that even a word?).

My first attempts at insertion were horrible. No way I could shove this thing into myself, even with lube, without some warm up. For something which is supposed to be more of a maintenance item and not a get-me-off toy, this kinda frustrated me. Try as I might though, it was a no-go. After a bit of warm up via clitoral action and a trusty vibe, I was able to weasel this thing into my cunt. Not slip, not insert, weasel. See, the ball-like shape combined with the perpendicular raised bands of silicone made for some serious resistance along my vaginal opening. The shape and texture issues, paired with there being nowhere useful to grip the damn thing even with their “easy insertion groove”, meant it took a combination of pushing-rocking-shoving to finally maneuvere the ball into place.

Once there, I wasn’t terribly keen on it either. The lateral ribs of silicone rubbed against my urethral sponge in a way that was not at all enjoyable, but rather scratchy and oddly similar to the beginning sensations of a UTI. Nothing spells fun like simulated bacterial infections now does it? I tried walking around my apartment but couldn’t really feel the weight in the ball at all. I ran up and down my stairs. I hopped on my bicycle and rode around the block. I did jumping jacks. Still couldn’t really feel the ball. I did find that the ball had moved itself up past my urethral sponge, thank goodness, but I’m used to things do that as all my menstrual cups do the same thing when I put them in.

Next go-round with the Smartball I tried laying down and tugging on the string to create resistance. Theoretically this would create a game of tug-o-war between my hand and my cunt, except the size and shape and silicone banding of the ball meant it was firmly lodged in there and wasn’t about to slip out at all. Giving up, I extracted the ball from myself one last time. Pulling this thing out of me was the most enjoyable part of the entire experience, though that’s kind-of like saying that the most enjoyable part of a pelvic exam is the cold metal speculum. In fact, I think I’d have preferred the speculum over the Smartball.

I’ve been loathe to write this review, in part because I don’t like being negative (especially when Good Vibrations was so kind as to offer this to me for review), and in part because I didn’t want to think about the damn thing ever again. In my delay I discovered that a good friend of mine loves her Smartballs Teneo Duo, and since the new version of the Smartballs are disinfect-able I handed mine over to her to test out. Now that we’re both done with SEAF, she’ll have some time to get acquainted with the uno version of her duo and let us know how it goes. I’m hoping she fares better than I did.

Despite not being crazy about the Smartballs Teneo Uno, a huge thanks to Good Vibrations for letting me try this out. For more information on kegels, check out their How to do Kegels and Strengthen PC Muscles page, and browse their array of Kegel & PC Muscle toys.


Review: GUSH The Official Guide to the G-Spot and Female Ejaculation April 25, 2011

Filed under: DVD,good vibes,reviews,sex-ed,smut — Lorax Of Sex @ 12:00 pm

GUSH front coverGood Vibrations/Good Releasing has recently released the Pleasure-Ed Series, a continuing collection of educational DVDs hosted by Sexologist Dr. Carol Queen. The idea of a sex-ed movie brings back awkward memories of elementary school, sitting in sex-segregated classrooms and being handed a lavender-trimmed mint green pocket pouch covered in inspirational phrases filled with sanitary napkins and tampons, while timidly swatting around an inflated condom as if it were a party balloon. Nonetheless, I’ve been wanting to embark on an exploratory journey of G-Spot stimulation and perhaps learn to squirt, so since they have a DVD on just this subject I figured why the heck not? I asked Good Vibes to send me a copy of GUSH: The Official Guide to the G-Spot and Female Ejaculation, and they obliged.

It was an interesting watch. The DVD consists of a live filming of Dr. Carol Queen answering questions as part of a call-in radio programme, interspersed with sex scenes including such fine folk as Jiz Lee, Dylan Ryan, and Mickey Mod. The scenes are a nice combination of queer, solo, and hetero, and are overall rather hot. They all prominently feature G-Spot stimulation and female ejaculation, as is to be expected. Also included as “special features” are cast interviews, an in-depth interview with Dylan Ryan and Mickey Mod, G-Spot Myths with Dr. Queen, and Sheri Winston’s sildeshow on female anatomy, G-Spot location/stimulation & female ejaculation.

First, the radio-show portion of the DVD. This is the educational portion of the movie, by and large. Now, I’m a G-Spot novice- I have spent much of my sexual life keeping my partners fingers and toy manipulations away from my G-Spot on threat of being kicked in the head. I feel like I’m exactly the target audience for this DVD, yet I was underwhelmed by the information put forth. Dr. Queen answered the questions wonderfully and helpfully, don’t get me wrong, though I felt that the questions that she is asked and the information they allow her to share on the DVD were things I already knew, or had learned via reading Cosmo and Maxim. Perhaps I’m more advanced than they had in mind when making this movie, even with my G-Spot novice status. I found myself easily bored and awaiting the next break so I could enjoy more hot scenes.

The sex scenes on this disc is rather nice. I’m a big fan of queer porn when I watch non-kink porn. This certainly sated that appetite, without going to a place where more vanilla minded folk would be turned off. I was particularly fond of Jiz Lee‘s solo scene. I liked that this was one of the few scenes which didn’t rely primarily on the Pure Wand (not that I have anything against the toy)- rather they used an assortment of toys including a rather alluring glass piece which I understand was a custom design. I now covet that bit of glass, and wish I could find something similar for myself. The interview they give in the “special features” portion of the disc is also rather insightful and amusing.

The “special features” are interesting. I loved the cast interviews where they share their thoughts about what is required for them to enjoy G-Spot stimulation, what their preferences are, and personal feelings around squirting. I found these interviews to be more educational than Dr. Queen’s segments in the main portion of the DVD. Dylan Ryan and Mickey Mod have an extended interview which is a combination of thoughts and discussion over their scene from the movie, and Dylan Ryan’s personal experience and description of being able to ejaculate. The slideshow which is also a part of the “special features” however, left me less than impressed. With phrases such as “sacred elixir” to describe female ejaculate and “mound of venus” to describe the mons pubis, it felt a bit gimmicky and odd to me. Again it seemed like information I already knew, and that if someone were looking for a DVD such as this they too likely would already know.

The final offering of the “special features” is a mythbusting section by Dr. Queen which I found to be the most educational and useful. She goes over some anatomy but does so in such a way that really does cover some material that not everyone would know, and she covers the analogous anatomy on male-bodied individuals. The myths she goes over are helpful, and her answers are more in-depth than those of the call-in section of the DVD. I particularly enjoyed her discussion of the various forms of the female orgasm and the suspected neurology behind them. She also covers some suggestions for G-Spot toys, and actually shows the toys rather than just describing them, which I really liked.

Overall, the DVD was entertaining, sexy, and somewhat educational. I feel like this DVD could be much more useful to a wider audience than it is, perhaps a second edition with a bit of a materials tweak? As it is, this is a great video for those who know nearly nothing about the G-Spot, or perhaps for introducing a partner to the idea of G-Spot play and/or ejaculation. If the educational aspect is the icing on the cake for you, the scenes are sexy and hot, and for me they combined with the interviews really made up for the shortcomings of the call-in portion of the DVD. In fact, the more I think about it the more I wish that the call-in portion was the “special feature” and that the mythbusting segment was the main educational body. That would change this from a decent movie and resource into a pretty-darn-good one.

Again, thanks to the wonderful people over at Good Vibrations for the opportunity to watch and review this movie! Want more information on the G-Spot or need help picking out a toy? Check out Good Vibes’ G-Spot & Female Ejaculation Education page. Also, just in case ordering a DVD isn’t your thing, GUSH The Official Guide to the G-Spot and Female Ejaculation is also available as a download as an mp4 for iTunes ready download, as well as Windows Media download, Stream-to-Own, and Pay-Per-Minute. Isn’t technology great sometimes?